Sideshow BoB: The Drunk's Snitch
by PS2wizard
Summary: This takes place during "Homer vs. the 18th Amendment". This explains how the women found out where Wiggum was drunk and Bob's reaction to Bart being drunk. Rated T for language, just to be safe.


This is my first Sideshow Bob story. This is going to reveal Sideshow Bob's plans that were kept secret. This take place during "Homer vs. the 18th Amendment".

Sideshow Bob's Unknown Plans: The Drunken Snitch

At the Springfield Penitentiary, Sideshow Bob was in his cell reading the Irish poetry.

"Ah James Joyce, your book of poems is the only thing in this hell-hole that isn't desecrated by swear words and drawn on penises." said Bob.

"AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA" roared the inmates in the next room.

"Grrr."

Bob put aside his book and went to see what the ruckus was about. The other prisoners, including his brother Cecil, were watching the news.

"Brother, you must see this." said Cecil.

"Cecil, I already hate this holiday as it is, but why would you worsen it by making me watch television." said Bob.

"Yeesh Bob, what crawled up your butt? Why do you hate ST. Patrick's and TV." said a guard.

"What crawled up my butt is between me and Dr. Hibbert. When we find out, I will seek vengeance. The reason I despise St. Patrick's Day is because people use it to get drunk off their asses, instead of enjoying the other tributes the Irish gave us."

"You may have a point, but this is something you can make an exception for." said Cecil.

The TV was showing a news bulletin. Bart Simpson was drunk on TV and stumbling through the streets.

"Ha heh *hic*. What are you looking at?" said Bart drunkly before being pulled away by his mother. The image zoomed out and showed Kent Brockman.

"*Gasp* Oh that's terrible, this just proves my point." said Bob.

"What! That drunk boy is the person who put us in jail." yelled Cecil.

"Brother please, if anything that boy saved my life. For now, the score has been settled. Though actually, if I remember, you blew up the dam and caused us to get arrested in the first place!"

"Yeah you tell them." commented Chief Wiggum.

"Grrrrr"

"You listen to Bob! The Irish people brought shamrock milkshakes, Bono, and Lucky Charms." said Wiggum, has he left sipping a shamrock shake.

"Now there's the person I'd want dead. He's the Macduff to my Macbeth. I try to commit something and he arrests me. I wish he was Macduff, at least that way I could ruin his life before he killed me." muttered Bob.

He angrily stormed off to his room to read his book.

2 Days Later, Bob was in the exercise area lifting weights. Despite his figure, he was able to lift many weights. The criminals were watching Bob waiting for him to slip up.

"Sorry to disappoint you gentlemen, but I'm afraid nothing humorous will happen to me. After all this isn't a cartoon." said Bob.

Just then Chief Wiggum's cop car crashed into the wall. Wiggum fell out tumbling. Bob and the others ran over to see what happened to the pig-like copper.

"Alright, let's steal his wallet." suggested Snake.

"First of all, have you no decency? Second, who knows what filth he has in the pockets, you'll never be able to wash it off." said Bob.

Eddie and Lou ran to Wiggum's side. They checked his pulse.

"False alarm, he's just unconscious. I think." Said Eddy.

The other criminals left in disappointment. Bob however, went to see what happened. He found Wiggum's newspaper which said in bold letters **ALCOHOL PROHIBITED IN SPRINGFIELD **

Bob was practically walking on air knowing that Wiggum was suffering without beer. That is until that night. He was about to head to his cell, but wanted to see Wiggum suffering, but instead found Wiggum's son, Ralph.

"Stanger Danger, Stanger danger." yelled Ralph.

"No no, I'm uh uh a red palm tree that can talk." lied Bob.

"Do you know my friend the leprechaun?"

"Sure, do you know where your daddy is?"

"He went to the pet store to get me a pet named Duff.

""Duff?" Oh no, he wouldn't."

Bob was disappointed to hear that Wiggum was getting drunk, but was happy about hearing that he was breaking the law.

"Um, can you call your mommy?"

"I just talked to her. She said to stop calling."

Irritated, Bob pushed the boy aside and hit redial. The phone started to ring and eventually picked up.

"Hello." said Sarah.

"Good evening madam. I have to tell you that your husband is getting drunk right now. He is at a pet store right now that is really a bar. Good night." said Bob.

He hung up and left with an evil smile on his face.

**The End.**

I hope you liked this and please review and answer my poll whether I should do a bigger Bob story, A Futurama murder/mystery, or another fanfic for a different show.


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